Mitch Darnell, MA, OM

I am scheduled to get married next May. My fiance's parents and brother live in Thailand, but all of our friends and family live locally. We thought it would be easier and cheaper if they flew here for the wedding. At first, they seemed fine with the ideaa...

Now, after a couple of months, his mom e-mailed him and asked him to "reconsider" getting married, that he has his whole life ahead of him and that he doesn't "realize the consequences of his actions"!

I feel really bad when I read this and I don't understand her thinking!! Why the
change of heart? He's 27 years old, a college graduate, and has a secure
job. Is it a cultural thing? Is it me? Should I be worried? I'm so confused!

Thanks,

Confused About My Future Mother-in-Law

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Hey Confused,

Aren't Mother-in-Laws supposed to confuse us?!

First: How did holding the wedding in the U.S. get tied to her asking him to
"reconsider marriage?"

Have you considered?...

• What the "consequences of his actions" might be? Don't assume you know!! Ask your husband! Sounds like there's expectations, values or other messages hidden behind her vague statement...
• If there's other issues which you didn't mention? Like, how long you and your fiancé's have known each other? Religious or health issues? Other?
• The possibility that her comments are unique to their family's communication style? All families have their own unique communication patterns.
• Your fiancé's response to his mother? The two people in your relationship are you and your fiancé's.

Your Mother-in-Law's comment(s) unintentionally or otherwise, provide an opportunity for you and your fiancé's to grow closer in response! Or, you two can choose otherwise.

You know, Mom might feel "left out." When we feel alienated (like by distance), it's hard to clearly express our feelings. This could be quite hard on a loving mother living 10,000 miles away.

Namaste ~